Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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