Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
