you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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