high people should be assigned attendants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
