Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
