The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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