Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
