got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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