Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
