remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
