I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
