he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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