Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
