um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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