I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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