I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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