I am in a vortex of obligation.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
