My friends, they love my intelligence
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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