she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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