It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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