I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
