i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
