Sry I called you an 8
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
