Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
