also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
