Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
