yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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