dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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