i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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