what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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