Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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