bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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