Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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