So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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