I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
