Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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