That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
