Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
