I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
