You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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