she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
