There is no way he is gay with that hair.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
