He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
