3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
