I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
