we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
