Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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