dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
