Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
