last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
