Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
