True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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