how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my shit smells like andre
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
