Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just cut my nipple shaving
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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