her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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