She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
