I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
