haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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