just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
