just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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