I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
