so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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