i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
