yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
