I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
