i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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